The waiting game of infertility. You’re living life in slow motion waiting for test results, ovulation, various treatments, to start the cycle over...more waiting. In the beginning of infertility you are on a quest to find out any and all information you can find as you should. You need to educate yourself and find out all of your options. However, it can quickly become an obsession. You can’t focus, can’t sleep, can’t talk about or do anything else. It’s like you're frozen. Your dreams of a baby are on hold for an indefinite amount of time but your life isn’t. Doing these things can help you keep living no matter what the outcome this journey will be:
Dream. I encourage you to dream. Our lives are made up of dreams, wishes and expectations. Before you began this quest for a baby you had other dreams. Whether it was to travel, get various college degrees, learn to speak another language, become a rapper...something. Now is the time to make those dreams come true and even create some new ones.
Travel. Travel as much and as often as you can. I know with the ever rising costs of fertility treatments or if you are saving money for adoption your vacation options are limited. Get away with your spouse even if it’s a Priceline hotel special an hour away from where you live. Take a car ride-see the giant ball of twine in Kansas, largest ketchup bottle in Illinois or tallest filing cabinet in Vermont. Sometimes it’s just good to get away even if it’s just for the day with your spouse or a group of friends. One unforgettable trip Steve and I took was with three other married couples for White Water Rafting. We all had a limited budget so we found a campsite that had cabins where you could stay for $8 a person per night. Now it was VERY rustic and looked like it was a set from a horror movie. It was isolated and deep in the woods and each room consisted of bunk beds. The bathroom was an outhouse a good 5 minute walk from the cabin and when night came it was dark and the woods were full of noises. It was so scary that we ended up sharing a room with one of the couples who are very close and dear friends. We survived the night and our fear by laughing and talking. The next day we went white water rafting and drove home. That is by far one of the most fun times in my life and it barely cost $100 for the two of us.
Learn. Learn something new. We took a much needed break from fertility treatments four years ago. Infertility had done some serious damage to us emotionally, worn us out physically and our marriage was on the fragile side because we had also taken a break from ministry. I needed another coping mechanism so I signed up for a few classes at a community college that fit with my work schedule. I can’t tell you what a great distraction it was during that time. I couldn’t control when and how I could get pregnant but I could control whether I could get an A on an assignment or an F. I couldn’t control the sadness and disappointment Steve and I felt but I could control what I was learning. I would be thrilled each time I made a good grade. It made me feel like a normal human being. I could blend in for a little while too with my pain undetected. It also allowed me to meet new people and I'm being candid in admitting it was good to have shallow friendships with people where my fertility didn’t come into conversation. It kept me from being completely isolated but distant enough to feel secure. Then regaining the excitement of learning was also another emotional boost. We should always challenge ourselves to learn new things, read books and keep growing.
Create. What are your hobbies and interests? Don’t have any? Get some! The world of Pinterest and Youtube tutorials has opened up so many doors for the non-crafty that anyone can make a milk carton into a pirate ship or something like that. I love to draw and paint. The nights that I am having a hard time sleeping or need something to do other than worry I like to get artsy-craftsy. I love this quote by Joss Whedon:
Just create something. If you are good at something like jewelry, knitting or pottery I would even encourage you to think about selling it. You could set up an Etsy shop because again fertility treatments and adoption ain't cheap! That is how the bakery began for us as an additional source of income for that very reason. You will be surprised how healing it can be to create or finish something. You don't have to make crafts or some museum worthy art piece. You can learn to cook or bake better. Start keeping a journal, taking pictures of cats, run a marathon or even a DIY home improvement project. A few years ago some friends and I trained and ran a 5k. I am not athletic nor had I ever ran before so to say it was hard is putting it lightly. But the feeling I felt crossing the finish line with my friends was indescribable. I was able to cross something off my bucket list. The sense of accomplishment you'll get when completing projects will help ease the anxiety of waiting.
One of my all time favorite quotes is “It’s never too late to become what you might have been.” It’s never too late for us to dream. Make a list right now if you haven’t already of non-baby related goals for this year or your life long bucket list. I’m not saying give up or get distracted from fertility treatments just have other focuses too. When you finally receive your answer to prayers you won’t always (or ever) have the time to go after certain dreams. Not that you’ll mind the sacrifice! And if you never have children of your own, you will still have a life full of photos, memories, friendships and accomplishments that many others never have. You’re hopes of having a family are on on pause but you life isn’t. Go live. Stop reading this blog and do something!
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