You are enough

Infertility: the state of being unable to produce offspring.  There is the definition but there is so much more to it.  I will be sharing the many facets of infertility in the future but today I am going to focus on one. Infertility: the assassinator of self worth and identity.  

I started having medical problems my freshmen year of college. Keeping the details brief I became very anemic and was constantly catching every bug and flu around campus. My mom began taking me to the doctor and I had a lot of tests run, cancer scares but it came down to my reproductive system.  At 19 I was officially diagnosed with Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome. By age 21 I had to have my right ovary removed because of complications related to PCOS.  It was then when my doctor starting sharing with me harsh realities.  Getting pregnant would be very complicated-not impossible but would be challenging.  Not being married or in a serious relationship at the time I just tried to put it out of my mind. I turned my attention in other places-ministry, traveling, college, etc.  It wasn’t until I met my husband, Steve in 2003 that it started sinking in.  When you marry someone you marry all of them-who they are and will be, their family, their income/debt, their emotional and physical health. So of course there came a time for me to come clean.  I wanted him to know about the possibility of us not being able to have children of our own.  I didn’t know how he would respond. God showed me that day and every day since then-Steve is the perfect man for me.  He listened to me and let me talk it all out and then gave me the best response.  He said without hesitation, “You are enough.” Steve has repeated it many times to me in our almost 10 years of marriage. Like when I feel not only the disappointment of my own each time we fail to conceive but his as well.  Or when I feel that I am responsible for robbing Steve of having a full life and experiencing fatherhood I have to remember that I am enough for Steve. If there is anything you need to grasp onto when facing fertility issues as that YOU ARE ENOUGH.  Your spouse married you because of YOU not because of your reproductive system.  They married your mind, your talents, your personality, sense of humor and so much more.  You were enough for them to want to spend the rest of their life with you...JUST YOU! Children are just a bonus but YOU ARE ENOUGH to your spouse. 

Infertility will try to strip you of your God given identities. As women we already struggle with self esteem issues regarding our looks but infertility will try to strip you of much more-your womanhood identity.  It undermines your femininity being unable to reproduce and achieve the most important role in life becoming a mother. But know that whether you are able to conceive on your own, adoption, by another means or have no children at all you are still ENOUGH.  You are still a beautiful woman that God created with His very hands and gave certain talents and abilities to you that no one else has. I know it is cliche but you ARE a daughter of a King. You were created with a purpose and are His artwork and craftsmanship. We must keep seeking God every day for our identity.  Whether you have just begun this journey into infertility or have been in it for the long haul keep seeking Him.  Let God speak life and love over you every day in your quiet times. If you aren’t keeping your quiet times DO IT!  You need God to breathe life into you every day. Instead of believing those voices in your head (which are just the enemy trying to steal, kill and destroy you)know that infertility doesn’t define you. God secured our identity long before we were even born. I love this passage found in Psalms 139:

13 For you created my inmost being;
    you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
    your works are wonderful,
    I know that full well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you
    when I was made in the secret place,
    when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
16 Your eyes saw my unformed body;
    all the days ordained for me were written in your book
    before one of them came to be.
17 How precious to me are your thoughts,[a] God!
    How vast is the sum of them!
18 Were I to count them,
    they would outnumber the grains of sand—
    when I awake, I am still with you.  

God made no mistake when He created you.  You were worth Him sending His son to die on a cross for.  Jesus would have still died for you-only you. This is our hope when we feel unworthy that we are fearfully and wonderfully made. We have value and identity because of the worth of Christ’s love for us. And that is what defines us. Remember that you are HIS beloved.  Every time you receive a negative report or pregnancy test you are still a child of God. That is your true identity.